literature

How to Make a Monster (600 Words)

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Literature Text

Prep: 9 months

Cook time: 10+ years

Ready in: 11+ years

Yield: 1 life sized creature of terror


Ingredients:


24 cups (1 ½ gallons) chilled blood, uncoagulated

17 cups all-purpose mayhem

3 cups distilled hate

1 cup ground pure bile

1 cup tightly packed bitter pain

1 cup emotion or callousness

1 cup course venom

½ cup minced havoc

½ cup ground old-styled rancor

1 tablespoon vinegarness

1 tablespoon sin extract

1 teaspoon semen

1 egg

¼ teaspoon immorality (optional)



Directions:

1. In a bed, or the backseat of a vehicle, warm and mix one cup of blood and egg. Continue to blend ingredients together until they are steamy and begin to sweat, at that time add semen and continue to mix (5-30 minutes)

2. In planned house, sift together mayhem, havoc, rancor, and bitter pain; continue sifting in household (9 months)

3. Transfer the blood mixture into a small sized vessel and ignore until it cools to lukewarm (1 year)

4. Beat, while slowly adding blood, until lifelong wounds open (2-5 years)

5. Into open wounds, whip in sin, hate, venom and immorality (optional)

6. Tightly wrap the mixture in skin, place in the closet and ignore for another 2-5 years

7. Preheat home to an uncomfortable degree unrest (roughly 98.9 F). Get out several implements of vulgar, scorn and spite; there is no need to grease them, though lining with disgust saves effort on clean up.

8. Once the child has become used to being ignored, take the most balanced piece of its mental stability from the closet. Powder a clean surface with mayhem, also powder mental stability with either emotion or callousness. Then beat it out as thin or as thick as you like using the implements of vulgarity, scorn and spite. (for more obvious evil, beat it to a thin, easily breakable, mental frame work)

9. Evenly coat mayhem on the remaining exposed brain matter of the child to keep it from sticking to any one subject of hate. Alternatively, place mayhem only on the portions of the child’s brain that you want to be particularly evil, wrap in plastic wrap and beat, pulling on plastic to eliminate wrinkles as necessary when beating; this will keep evil concentrated to your chosen areas without the need for any additional mayhem. For a more ornery evil, or a touchier form of cruelty, you may choose to beat the child prior to adding mayhem, then beat it again after. This will allow the evil to spread in a more random manner throughout the psyche.

10. Cut down any self-confidences that may have been built, trimming them as close to the bone to minimize waste.

11. Allow the monstrous mind of the child to ferment (or if you beat it directly onto the child already, remove the confidence scraps from between the evil, then allow to ferment).

12. After the child has begun to smell of revolt, bake in the home until it is slightly crisp around the edges 7+ years, or until feels firm. (If unsure puncture with scathing comments aimed at the core, if it reacts by boiling and acting out, it is ready). Let evil cool in child for several months, or until it sets.

13. Decorate the child with venom.

14. Abandon it completely.



Nutrition information

Serving Size: 74.9kg Servings Per Batch: 1 Amount Per Serving: Calories: 77,000 Calories from Fat: 20,000 Total Fat: 10 kg Saturated Fat: .5 kg Trans Fat: 45g. Cholesterol: 15g Sodium: 200 g. Total Carbohydrate: 1kg Dietary Fiber: 0g Sugars: 2kg Protein: 23 kg.
Any thoughts on how to adjust my recipe to produce a better product would be greatly appreciated. I'm always looking to tweak things and will test out recommendations :)
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Comments18
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Insanity13Heartless's avatar
.........this sounds suspiciously like what my mom did except without the beating but same result. but she added a little bit of puppet strings, lies, drugs, and let me cool down in the slums, back alleys, and isolated areas. oh well if I go to hell i'll get to drag her down with me~!